she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
