Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
