At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
