i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ttyl tear gas
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize