You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
