I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
