I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
