3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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