Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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