I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just google imaged poop.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
