I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
