Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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