i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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