I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
