I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
