I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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