The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
