There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
