Im at strip club and am horny
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
