I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
