hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
