I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
