got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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