Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
