My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
