he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
