And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
