There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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