he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
