I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize