She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
