Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
