oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
porn star boner night. come get it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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