Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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