the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
