What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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