I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize