he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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