oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
