Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
