when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize