I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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