normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
