By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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