Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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