We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can I color on your dick again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
