seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
