I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
