I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
