You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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