If you die in college, do you die in real life?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
