Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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