The maid of honor just puked.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize