need another drink. this is the easiest way
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
