Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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