You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
