His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
