then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
