All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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