When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize