i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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