All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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