Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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