I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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