So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
