everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
