if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize