do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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