Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
