ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
did you just send me my own nude
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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