Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
