he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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