My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
