i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize