You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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