then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
