you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
