You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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