ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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