Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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