You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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