True but thats because hes a fetus.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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