When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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