the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
