The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
