Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
