Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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