Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
