Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
