Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
