sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
