Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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