Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
