i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
