did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
