I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
