Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
