I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize