It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
