I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
