How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
