what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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