I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
