Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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