If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
