I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
