so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
