This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
