can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
