i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize